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Are These Unconscious Behaviors Ruling Your Life?

Are These Unconscious Behaviors Ruling Your Life?

When I first encountered the term ‘feminine conditioning’ a few years ago it burst through my consciousness like a beam of light. I heard the term from Jo Casey, an amazing coach for coaches. When Jo started writing about feminine conditioning, I realized the term perfectly captured an undefined swirl of issues that I was encountering in my clients, seeing in my life, and talking about with virtually every woman I know. Feminine conditioning refers to an internal set of rules

STOP Waiting for Worthiness

STOP Waiting for Worthiness

Women have a tendency to tie their self-worth to their achievements, which holds them back. Almost every day, I hear a version of one of the most destructive statements a woman can make. I hear it from clients, from friends, on television, and still sometimes in my own head: “…as soon as…” What’s so bad about that? Well, potentially nothing. There’s nothing inherently wrong with waiting, if I’m, say, waiting for the sandwich guy to deliver my lunch or for the next episode of

Making People Comfortable is Not Your Job

Making People Comfortable is Not Your Job

One of the gifts of feminine intuition is that many women possess the ability to read situations and people. This can be helpful at work, in relationships, when making decisions, but it also has the ability to become a hindrance. Why? Because from a young age, our feminine conditioning teaches us that, in order to be nice, we need to make other people feel comfortable. How do we learn this? Can you think of times, perhaps when you were growing up, that you were asked to do so

Try Some Bullshit (or Meditating with One Eye Open)

Try Some Bullshit (or Meditating with One Eye Open)

The other day, I found myself in a conversation at a social event with a smart, funny woman who I’ve known for several months. She was talking about how she has been unsatisfied in her job for years, but couldn’t figure out how to change careers. In the course of our conversation, she also mentioned that she was having difficulty in some of her personal relationships. The conversation, which included several other women, wound its way around to other topics, including a coupl

13 Ways I’ve Benefited from Being a White Woman

13 Ways I’ve Benefited from Being a White Woman

Privilege, in the context of race, refers to unearned benefits that we receive from our culture. Privilege is not about having money or not working for what we have. Privilege refers to the things we’re able to take for granted in our daily lives. The things we don’t even have to think about that others have to grapple with on a daily basis. Here are 13 examples of how my life has been made easier by the fact that I am a straight, white, cisgender woman. 1. When I walk int

For the Women Who Don't Like Women

For the Women Who Don't Like Women

I used to be one of the boys. When I say that, I don't mean that I was a tomboy, far from it. I grew up loving Barbies, bangles and Madonna. But as I got older, I found that I was more comfortable being the only girl in the room, with no idea why. Starting around high school, I noticed that my male friends had started to outnumber my female friends by about three to one. I had a couple of close girlfriends, but as my family moved around, I drifted apart from them. After high

Romance, Freedom & Intimacy

Romance, Freedom & Intimacy

Hearts and flowers, chocolate and greeting cards, Valentine's day is here and the commercial trappings of "romance" are everywhere. From OpenTable prompting you to make reservations for Feb 14th to Victoria's Secret flooding your inbox, it's clear that we're supposed to be in love with love in February. And, hey, I love a great romantic gesture as much as the next girl, but what I really value in my intimate relationship is just that - intimacy. Our culture abounds with stori