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Are These Unconscious Behaviors Ruling Your Life?

Are These Unconscious Behaviors Ruling Your Life?

When I first encountered the term ‘feminine conditioning’ a few years ago it burst through my consciousness like a beam of light. I heard the term from Jo Casey, an amazing coach for coaches. When Jo started writing about feminine conditioning, I realized the term perfectly captured an undefined swirl of issues that I was encountering in my clients, seeing in my life, and talking about with virtually every woman I know. Feminine conditioning refers to an internal set of rules

STOP Waiting for Worthiness

STOP Waiting for Worthiness

Women have a tendency to tie their self-worth to their achievements, which holds them back. Almost every day, I hear a version of one of the most destructive statements a woman can make. I hear it from clients, from friends, on television, and still sometimes in my own head: “…as soon as…” What’s so bad about that? Well, potentially nothing. There’s nothing inherently wrong with waiting, if I’m, say, waiting for the sandwich guy to deliver my lunch or for the next episode of

Making People Comfortable is Not Your Job

Making People Comfortable is Not Your Job

One of the gifts of feminine intuition is that many women possess the ability to read situations and people. This can be helpful at work, in relationships, when making decisions, but it also has the ability to become a hindrance. Why? Because from a young age, our feminine conditioning teaches us that, in order to be nice, we need to make other people feel comfortable. How do we learn this? Can you think of times, perhaps when you were growing up, that you were asked to do so

13 Ways I’ve Benefited from Being a White Woman

13 Ways I’ve Benefited from Being a White Woman

Privilege, in the context of race, refers to unearned benefits that we receive from our culture. Privilege is not about having money or not working for what we have. Privilege refers to the things we’re able to take for granted in our daily lives. The things we don’t even have to think about that others have to grapple with on a daily basis. Here are 13 examples of how my life has been made easier by the fact that I am a straight, white, cisgender woman. 1. When I walk int

For the Women Who Don't Like Women

For the Women Who Don't Like Women

I used to be one of the boys. When I say that, I don't mean that I was a tomboy, far from it. I grew up loving Barbies, bangles and Madonna. But as I got older, I found that I was more comfortable being the only girl in the room, with no idea why. Starting around high school, I noticed that my male friends had started to outnumber my female friends by about three to one. I had a couple of close girlfriends, but as my family moved around, I drifted apart from them. After high

Setting boundaries without feeling like a jerk

Setting boundaries without feeling like a jerk

I used to hate the word boundaries. For the longest time, I thought of the people who talked about ‘setting boundaries’ as uptight assholes. Why the hell would I want to do things to push people I cared about away? Just thinking about the idea of setting boundaries with other people made me feel mean, selfish and guilty. When I eventually learned more about boundaries - what they are and aren’t - I came to realize that, rather than pushing people away, healthy boundaries can

Letting Good Enough be Good Enough

Letting Good Enough be Good Enough

There's been a fair amount of attention given to the topic of perfectionism and women over the past several years. It seems, however, that although many women have begun to recognize the harm that perfectionism can do in our lives, we’re still not sure what to do about it. The fact remains that most of us spend the majority of every day bombarded by cultural dictates about who we’re ‘supposed’ to be. From books to television, sportscasters to celebrity ‘lifestyle gurus,’ we

How Are You 'Packaging' Your Life?

How Are You 'Packaging' Your Life?

Many of us, women in particular, feel the pressure to “have it all.” We want to be effective at work, at home and everywhere in between. Every advertisement, movie and TV talk show tells us that we have to be successful, smiling, smart and sexy. We should have an enviable career, an immaculate house, a thriving marriage and never be late for a PTA meeting. It’s no wonder that most women work exhaustively to present a façade of having it all under control, every minute. Want p